The Many Faces of Feminism

Late last year, I had a chat with someone much wiser than myself about feminism. About why I didn't see myself as a feminist. And the discussion we had about the many, many different types of feminism really stuck with me. It takes a lot for someone to change your opinion on the spot. Stubbornness sets in. You don't listen until you have time to digest. But that's what happened. I realised just how blind and close-minded I was being.

That conversation had more impact on me than anything I've heard or read in the last six months.

Not being 'a feminist' was something that I used to say proudly. Of course I was, I just didn't really understand it then. I felt that I needed to fight against something, because there are so many types of feminism that I just don't agree with. And so many feminists that just don't gel with my opinions. But I've realised that I'm fighting against the wrong thing. I wish women would see that their type of feminism might not be the right one for everyone. For you, maybe, but not for someone else. And that's no bad thing. In fact, it should be welcomed. And challenged.

I sometimes get a lot of criticism from feminists. Because I embrace cooking and cupcakes and girly stuff. There's a certain amount of venom towards women who buy into the whole baking 'movement'. Especially if they're pretty (I'm referring to the Domestic Sluts en masse here, not blowing my own trumpet). And let's face it, with a name like Domestic Sluttery, we're an easy target. I get accused of going against everything women fought for, and using sex to sell my website (actually, it's possible I do that sometimes, so sue me).

But I don't write a feminist site. I write a site by women, that cater towards a certain group of women (an increasing group, in case you were wondering). We also have occasional readers, who like our craft stuff, but don't care about shoes. Or those who like dresses or cushions, but couldn't give a shit about cake. See how this works? All women are different. They're not going to like everything all the time. Not for a second do I expect women to buy the apron the see on our site, whilst making cupcakes we feature and drinking tea we recommend. But we do believe in indulgence, and we play up to that. That's a good thing in my book.

And y'know what? It's OK if you don't agree with me.

The main issue I had with feminism, before having that conversation with Allix at Lewis' birthday, was that the majority of the stuff I read, or heard, or saw, wasn't empowering. (I'm aware that I'm being sweeping when I use the word 'feminism', but I think most women are which is where my dilemma started.) The type of feminism that I was reading about didn't celebrate women. Instead, a large quantity of it belittled men. Like the only way women could be strong was if we beat men. Beat them at what, exactly? We could only be better if we tried to drag them down. I still don't understand why women are trying to beat them. That still happens. A lot. And so started my issue with feminism. Or at least that aspect of it. It's hard to believe in something when the women that are meant to be inspirational, are either bitching at your values, or dragging you down with them in their anger. Feminism isn't pretty sometimes. And it does just as much damage as it does good.

I'm not saying that women aren't allowed to disagree. In fact, I'm saying the opposite. It's OK that I like making cake and do crafts (is it more or less empowering that I make an income from making jewellery?), it's OK that some women want to do something different. It doesn't make women less strong. It's the bitching, and the snobbery around someone's choices that does that. You can still be a kick ass woman and want to cook dinner for your husband. Just like you can still be strong in an office if you're wearing a pretty dress and made cake for your co-workers. Or if you go out and drink a pint of beer. Or if you choose to do none of these things.

Women have enough going on without concentrating on the futile. If a woman chooses to wear florals, she's really very unlikely to be making a feminist statement with it. Sometimes, women just like florals. By all means, argue with her issues, argue with her beliefs. But respect them. Challenge what's really important and start debate.

There are so many different faces of feminism. And that's a blessing. We'll never agree on what empowers women, on what makes them stronger. We all have different ideals. But that's something that should be celebrated. In my case, preferably with a cold beer and a piece of cake. We're lucky that we have the choice to think freely. Instead of shouting about the 'wrong kinds of women', let's celebrate and be inspired by the kick-ass women around us. Even the ones we don't always agree with.

Flickr image from Cameron Nordholm's photostream.