Well

Those of you who pop by regularly, or follow me on Twitter, will know that since I've come back from Kenya, I've been really sick. Apparently I picked up a virus whilst I was in Africa, which thankfully wasn't malaria, but still gave me a massive whack across the face and knocked me cold. I came home a month ago. I've had more blood tests recently than most people have in a lifetime. I was pretty fucking terrified. And the doctors still don't know what was wrong. Whatever it was made me pass out for almost three days. My hair fell out. Heck, even half of my eyelashes have fallen out (I'd like them back please). I missed my best friend's birthday party this weekend, because I was too anaemic to stand up properly for more than five minutes. Although if Alex hadn't come over to see me, and talked some sense into me, I probably would have gone. I didn't though. Alex was right.

And then yesterday, things changed. I got sparky again.

If you've spoken to me in the last 24 hours, you'll have been able to hear a difference. I've had to force it over the last month. I've had to kill myself to get any work done. My energy was sapped, and with it, went my enthusiasm. Christ that was scary. I love my job. I love my clients. I'd really like to bloody well keep them. The problem is, if you're forcing it, you need twice as much energy. And I didn't have any of that. So my day alternated between doing a blog post, and passing out for two hours. Rinse and repeat.

This week I've wanted to write. In fact, I was enjoying it so much my housemate has made me tea all day. He could see it too. The little silly smile I have when I'm enjoying my work. When I write something fun and I tell him what I'm up to. He didn't even moan when I forgot to take the recycling out because I was writing about wallpaper.

I've felt completely useless over the last month. I don't know who I am if I'm not writing. If I'm not writing stuff down, I'm not thinking. And I haven't been. I feel like I haven't had a single thought over the last month. That's pretty depressing. There's been nothing that I can do about it. I've been trying my best, but nothing would change. I'm impatient, and all I wanted was for things to go back to normal. I need to write. And I got that back today. Like I said, I've been sparky.

I've done some really cool stuff today. Contacted some people about some amazing projects, kicked about a few ideas for projects of my own. Pitched for work, offered to be in a cartoon. Yes. A cartoon. Made awesome plans for the rest of the week, (that involve very little effort on my part). The difference is that for the first time in a month, I've done them without feeling like I'm going to keel over any second.

Yesterday someone commented on my can-do attitude. It doesn't occur to me that I can't try something new. Or to do something just for the hell of it (tomorrow is sunsets and learning more about camera exposure). I've really fucking missed that over the last month, and so have other people, it seems. I'm getting better and things are getting back on track. Thanks to everyone who has been so lovely over the last few weeks. It's not often I get scared, but I have been.

Now, what exciting things am I gonna do today?

Flickr image from f_shields' photostream.