My Mum

Last week, my mum did the most amazing thing that anyone could ever do. Without questioning it. You don't need to know what that thing was, but last week I basically felt like my life was going to fall apart, and she helped me. Not just a little bit. Her actions were huge. At the time in my life when I needed help more than I ever had before, she was there for me. And then I realised: There was never any question in her mind that she would be.

If you talk to me about my family, you'll know how close I am to my dad. We talk during the day, for no reason, we laugh about the same things. We get on. I love my dad so much, and his support last week was amazing. It always is. When I fall apart, he's the first person I call (usually two days after I should have). I don't always have that relationship with my mum. I love her to bits, but it's not always easy.

My mum and I wind each other up. It starts off silly, but we know how to push each other's buttons to really piss each other off. I have no idea why we do it, but we do. It's one of the reasons I moved out in my gap year. We get on better when we're not living together. Strangely, Marian said the same thing in this post. About her mum, not mine, obviously. I don't know what causes my mum and I to argue so much. It drives my dad crazy. We're snappish, we shout, we can bitch and scream and fight for absolutely no reason. Goodness we're stubborn.

But typing that makes me smile. When I'm at my strongest, you can see my mum. When I'm laughing, I look like her. When I'm yelling, I look like her. I even pick up things that she says sometimes. We're so alike. It takes me by surprise sometimes. I'll catch my reflection in a window and realise just how much I look like her. At first glance, you can't tell the difference between me and an old photos of her. It's not just when I'm at my strongest, although that's when you'll see it. My mum is in everything I do. Worrying about something for days on end and not talking about it, being narky as hell first thing in the morning, being fiercely independent. It's all my mum. Everything I like about me is because of her. And the stuff you probably don't like too. And she knows me. She knew when I was living in Spain that I wanted to come home. My dad thought I'd called for a chat. My mum asked me when I was coming home. She was there when my friend passed away and *possibly* drove down the road *slightly* over the limit so I could go and spend the evening with my friends who were devastated. She did what I needed her to do.

One of my most favourite days when I was a kid was going to the working farm. I made butter for cryin' out loud. My mum packed a picnic, I was allowed a Fab ice lolly. I don't remember where my brother and my dad were, doing boy stuff I imagine. It wasn't very often my mum and I just hung out together. We're a small family, so we'd be together as a family. But that day was brilliant. And not just because she accidentally crashed the car when we got home.

I might not always get on with my mum and sometimes, she might not like me very much (totally understandable, I can be an utter cow). But her strength amazes me. She always says what she's thinking, she never apologises for being frank and you absolutely cannot take her for a fool. I've seen people try. And I've seen her spit them out sideways. And she makes me dad the happiest man in the world.

She did an amazing thing for me last week. Beyond amazing. But when I think about it, I realise that she's never stopped doing amazing things. I'm twenty seven and she's still there when I need help. I can't wait to go home and see my Mum this Christmas. I can't wait to get told off by my dad for having snowball fights with her at 2am on Christmas Eve, and watch trashy films and play Scrabble and drink too much wine.

Even though we drive each other crazy, I miss my mum when she's not around. She's pretty amazing.

I couldn't find a photo of me and my mum on my laptop, so @lurkmoophy suggested I draw one. See? We're practically identical. Stop laughing at my drawing.