Carousel

I'm not often impressed with the camera on my iPhone. but I stumbled on this photo this morning (taken on Alex's birthday, on the Winter Wonderland Carousel, I think) and it's really made me smile. Carousels are awesome.

The Butterfly Effect

It's Spring. A new season. A whole new beginning apparently. I've been single for over a year now. Save for a brief fling over summer. But a whole year is a very long time to be single. Especially when the first wedding invite of the year lands on your doorstep. But here's the thing that most people don't realise: Most of the time, I don't mind being single.

It's not just that I don't mind being single, I'm willing to stay single until I find someone who makes my heart do a back flip. Someone who gives me The Butterflies. I don't think they're a myth, or something that only happens in films. They're real. And I just won't settle for anything else. Why would I?

But sometimes being single is pretty shit. I'm not always happy about it. Staying in and being hidey over the weekend is rather less fun if there's no-one else to play with. And y'know, it's been a while since I got laid. Cooking for one is sometimes really rather dull. Especially if I'm playing about in the kitchen and making yummy things. It's nice to have someone to share things with. Whether that's sex, or cooking, or the latest chapter of my novel. It's all sharing. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get lonely sometimes. Really damn lonely actually.

But, I'm only 27. And I'm only just in a place since my last relationship where I think I could let someone in. Most people will tell you that I'm a pretty closed person when it comes to my heart. That's not to say that in the last year no one has seen me open up, but if they have, it's for a pretty short time before I snap shut again. I've got used to protecting myself and it shocks me when I let my guard down. Last year I put my heart on the line for someone who didn't love me; it's going to take a lot for me to do that again. But at some point, I will. I don't know when. I think this last year has given me the time to trust myself.

Not knowing when is exciting. I've tried relationships without The Butterflies, hoping they'll come fluttering along. I'm just not convinced that they work for me. I need to have that passion with someone, otherwise isn't that a bit like kissing your friends? (Although don't get me wrong, I have got drunk and accidentally done that. Ooops.) I'm pretty much an all or nothing kind of girl. If I don't get butterflies when I meet someone, it's rare that I ever do. Sometimes, though. I just don't want to spend my time loving the wrong people.

I don't have a fluffy, movie rose-tinted idea of love. But I am idealistic about it. Even the wrong type of love can be ideal. Your dream man, or perfect woman isn't perfect. They're just absolutely most definitely right for you. And there is an idealism about that. Because they're ideal because of their faults. Not in spite of. Probably because of. Often the things we don't like about ourselves are the things that attract attention from other people. Not being perfect is the ideal.

I've already had the "good on paper" relationship. Where everything is perfect and you're the pretty, happy couple who have brunch and go on weekend trips. I've had the opposite. Where everything you feel is real, but the situation is far from ideal. Both ended very differently. Both broke my heart. I want some sort of middle ground. Because everything else is just my trying to fit a lonely-shaped peg into a heart-shaped hole.

I don't want that. I want Butterflies. I want to jump every time the phone rings. Three months into a relationship, I want to still smile at a secret text message. Three years on I want to still be having damn good sex. Thirty years on, I still want to dance. I want an equal relationship where I feel supported yet independent enough to do my own thing. Because I do that a lot. I want someone how loves me for who I am, and who I can be. Someone who allows me to trust myself around them. Someone who wants my heart.

So next time someone asks me why I'm single, I might just send them a link to this post. I'm single because I'm waiting for someone I can trust with my heart. That's pretty huge. I'm waiting for someone who will give me Butterflies.

Because to me, when it comes to love, they're still the most important thing there is.

Flickr image from DanZen's photostream.

Ada Lovelace Day 2010

I've never written an Ada Lovelace post before. Because honestly, I still don't see myself as a woman in tech (yeah, I know despite making a living by writing online and running a website). It's just another label, and I do my best not to label what I do. Because I want to do all sorts of things, on and offline. And I want to do them all well.

So I wasn't sure who to write about for this post initially. I was tempted to write about the woman who inspired me to start blogging (you'd all be very surprised at the answer). But I don't read a huge amount about tech. I don't care all that much about gadgets. I'm pretty removed from the whole scene. An obvious name from a whole bunch of people in tech doesn't jump out at me. Except for my friend Marcus Greenwood of Webjam, but he's a boy so I can't write about him. Pretty inspiration dude, though.

But there is one that sticks out. And actually, I'm pleased there's only one. Alicia Navarro is the most inspirational to me. I feel a bit like a fangirl writing this post, but her business, and how she's grown that, directly affects me. And Skimlinks makes my life easier (whilst making me money). Most of you already know how great I think Skimlinks is. But that's hugely down to the team as well as the founders.

So why this post?

The business side of stuff is important, but as always, the most interesting stories I hear about Alicia are about her as an entrepreneur. The interviews I read are about her not giving up on her goals. That's what inspires me. My first web project didn't work out, but Domestic Sluttery is. The next one might too. And Alicia's story often reminds me that learning from my failures is a good thing. Honestly, had Domestic Sluttery been my first ever website, I don't think it would have worked. Sometimes I wonder if my mistakes are the most valuable part of everything I've done over the last year.

Alicia is also one of the few women I know who works online who doesn't play the whole 'poor me, I'm just a girl in tech' game. Yes, there are gender issues in tech. But that's true of any industry. And it's refreshing to see someone successful who chooses not to play that card (or indeed, do the opposite and go on a crusade about women in tech). Alicia is just doing what she does well, whilst everyone else has spats about how women in tech aren't catered for.

My business is going to change pretty drastically this year (more on that another time) and I'm so excited. But it's also pretty scary too. When Alicia talks about how she adapted Skimlinks, I remember that because at some point, something in my business won't work. I'm the most stubborn person I know, but as long as I remember how to adapt, and change my ideas and let them evolve, I reckon I'll be alright. It's people like Alicia that remind me that most of the time, things work themselves out.

I remember last year that Robyn got slammed for choosing to write about women in commercial tech. The whole point of Ada Lovelace day is to be inspired by the women in technology for whatever reason (and indeed science, but I know even less about that). I don't think it matters who people write about, as long as they're really inspired. So whatever your motivation for writing today, happy Ada Lovelace Day.

How advertising really affects a brand

If I'm honest, I'm an advertiser's dream. I'm so easily swayed. I don't even try not to be. I used to work in advertising sales, and I was passionate about a decent ad campaign. People don't consider how much advertising affects their lives because it's there all the time. In the ad world we'd call it 'ambient media'. I love that term. It's a polite way of saying 'in your face and you haven't got a fucking clue'.

There are all sorts of tricks advertisers use to make you buy their stuff. From fibbing about Cheryl Cole's hair, to finding out which buses their target audience catch and placing their adverts on the other side of the road. So you see the ads whilst you're waiting. There's all sorts of other tricks I can't possibly tell you, but let's just say that some of them aren't very ethical (and yes, I've been guilty of using them). But society is the biggest influence in advertising. Everything is a bit of a game. Except when it comes to the brand.

And this is the part about advertising that's key for me. And why I respect companies that do it well, even if I'm not particularly drawn to the company. If a company gets an advert right (and in the case above, match.com really have), then it's because they know their brand better than anyone. It's because they know the exact message that they want to convey. To them, their business is clear. And that's what works. How many times have you seen an ad that just doens't make sense? That isn't the ad company's fault. There are so many flimsy gimmicks that a company can use to get their message across - We Buy Any Car! is a great example of this - and they work in the short-term (or at least until you've ripped of your own ears) but you get nothing else. Nothing about the brand. Nothing about the company that want your money.

And that's key. Even more so now we're in a recession. Yes, people are advertising less, but to me that just means advertising is more important. I measure the success of something by the adverts it carries. I don't have an issue with the adverts that Spotify runs. I do have an issue with the fact that every other one is an ad for advertising space. The only reason a company ever runs a house ad, is because they don't have any paying ones. If they don't have any paying ads, I question why not. If you've got shitty ads, badly designed and showing crappy companies, that brings the whole reputation of your company down. That's how important adverts are. PR and blogging and newpapers can say what they like about your company, but your adverts are what YOU say about your company. People forget how important that is. It's what I judge the media on.

I read a couple of tweets today saying that whilst people were loving the Match.com advert, they were annoyed that it was their ad. I think that's a battle with adverts. If you don't care about a company, it'll take a lot for an advert to sway you the other way, but a blog post, or a Twitter trend might do just that. It's hard to listen to the opinion of a company that you don't care about. I'm not a huge match.com fan. I used them and didn't find love (or even anyone I wanted to kiss), boohoo etc. But the advert summed up everything it needed to. Romance, hope, love, possibility, incredibly pretty hair. There's not much else I need from an ad. Oh, and then they throw in a catchy (but not annoying) tune as well.

My point is that as important as PR is, it doesn't replace advertising. I don't think that it ever will. Match.com are doing a very good job of viral advertising. Not viral marketing. There's a difference and it's impressive. It can turn a brand around (heck, it even worked for Stella). I'd love to see more advertising and PR companies working together. The two can be exclusive, and you can build a brand without advertising (Domestic Sluttery is doing just that). But advertising is still a driving force in media and having potential clients know exactly how highly you regard your own brand is priceless.

(Match.com very kindly set me presents earlier this week, but in no way did that influence this blog post that's been bubbling away in my head for the last month. The chocolates were very nice though.)

The Company Bloggers Issue

On March 13th, my first ever print feature comes out. It's in Company Magazine, as part of their bloggers issue. Look! There I am! Waiting to be read be 250,000 lady women! All of those words are mine (except the title, which I hear is common when writing for magazines). BUT I DID THAT.

Personal pride aside, I'm chuffed to be in an issue with such fantastic women (including a few of the Domestic Sluts). My piece is about women in blogging, and it touches on being accepted by the mainstream media. Company Magazine acknowledging just how successful women online are is so important. I'm thrilled to be a part of it.

Making Time

This weekend, I only did things that I wanted to do. I know that seems like a pretty standard thing to say, but when you work for yourself, and run your own business, it's really not. Your own time is precious. And, if you're a workaholic like me, you can kid yourself into thinking your making time for yourself.

When the work you do is fun, it doesn't feel like work. Part of my job is running about Greenwich taking photos (tomorrow I'm going to try and get to Greenwich Park and take photos of the deer and squirrels). Taking photos of squirrels doesn't feel like work! They're too cute for work! Working on my exciting new project doesn't feel like work. Blogging about fabulous designers is the most fun thing I could do with my day.

I know how lucky I am. But I also need to live my own life.

This weekend I spent the whole of Saturday writing my novel. I'm editing again, and I haven't touched it for months. It felt so good to be writing again. I don't see all writing as work. My novel is mine. It's different.

And then I went out. Which doesn't seem like an important thing, but sometimes, networking can become your social life. There are so many fun events in London, and really interesting things to do and see. Most of which, I write about. I'm there because people want me to write something. I might be having fun, I might be with friends. But I'm still working. I don't switch off. On Saturday I went out, drank too many cocktails, helped a man put a straight jacket on during an awful cabaret show, and laughed and danced about. I had the best worst hangover the next day. I didn't actually get dressed.

I could have spent the weekend catching up on blogging, taking photos, making jewellery and writing that super important document I need to do. But I didn't. I went out and had fun. And didn't give a single person my business card.

It was really really fun. Time for myself is important. I should remember that more often.

Flickr image from Matt Lancashire's photostream.