Autumn is auburn and red and crunchy and a little bit cold, but sunny, and wonderful. It's my favourite season. I'm allowed to make apple crumble, but I'm still allowed to wear my giant sunglasses. I can have hot chocolate whenever I like, but I can also have ice cream.
Things change more visibly in autumn than any other season. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. The night closing in isn't easy for me - previous battles with depression unfortunately leave me susceptible to being stuck in a bit of a fug. That's actually playing things down quite a bit - agoraphobia is pretty horrific and it's sometimes hard to see any kind of end point. I'm doing everything I can to stay out of that shitty place.
When I was a kid, I was actually pretty quiet. Shy, even. Confident around my friends, but not in myself. I joined a drama group and forced myself out of that and last week I decided to start acting again. I've been toying with the idea for a while and I've joined Tower Theatre Company and have an audition in December. I'm performing a speech from As You Like It (spoken by Phebe, not Rosalind) and another from a play I haven't chosen yet. I'm so excited to start again. It's been a decade.
I'm also doing a talk at London Ignite next month. I kinda applied on a whim and my idea seemed to strike a chord and they picked me to be one of the speakers! I'm not talking about social media or wallpaper or blogging. I fancied doing something different. I'm excited, but bricking it too. I've never had to hold an audience talking about a topic totally out of my comfort zone. That's actually why I'm looking forward to it.
I love autumn, but it's not easy. I'm trying to change my outlook and perspective along with the seasons. I'm determined not to let the pretty colours get too dark.
Flickr image from jayneandd's photostream.
5 comments:
That is a fantastic idea. The darker days and nights can get to me too, SAD is a bitch. But hopefully these new challenges will give you the spark you need to keep you going. You must be quite excited too.
x
It sounds like such a small thing, but having a new hobby that actually gets me out of the house is a good thing. It's so easy to stay inside and write and read books.
I'm so excited. I haven't done an audition speech since college - I may have forgotten all of the things, but I'll learn, and that'll be fun.
I used to do Performing Arts a lot when I was younger, but somehow life has got in the way since. There is nothing quite like the rush of standing up in front of a group of people and throwing your energy at them.
I know the feeling about getting out when it's so easy to stay in, even though I'm not nearly as affected by the nights as you. With me, evenings seem to bring out a peculiar type of listlessness. In my head I'm shouting to get things done, in reality I'm just lying around feeling like starting anything would be just too difficult.
Good on you for forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and reconnecting with past passions.
Thank you Mr. Grubworm. Luckily the dark mod I was in when I wrote this post seems to have lifted. Now I'm back to my sparky self.
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